Bad News for Your Real Estate Clients? Here’s How to Deliver It Right

by Laurie Gilmore

I have some bad news for you…

In your career as a real estate agent, you will have to deliver a LOT of bad news.

You will have to tell sellers that their home isn’t worth as much as they think it is… that they need to invest a lot of money in preparing it for sale… that the listing isn’t generating as much interest as they had hoped… that the offer is lower than they wanted… that the buyer is requesting a long list of repairs… and on and on.

You will have to tell buyers that there’s no property on the market that has everything they want within their budget… that the home they loved just got scooped up… that their offer was rejected… that the inspection report doesn’t look good… you get the picture.

I won’t even start with the bad news you’ll have to deliver to your fellow agents.

You can avoid, delay, and sugarcoat these bad news conversations… if what you want is to maximize your stress and put your clients in the worst possible position.

OR you can learn to deliver bad news with confidence, ease, and ZERO fear… with the power of Tactical EmpathyTM.

Tactical Empathy is the art of influencing others by articulating what they’re thinking and feeling without necessarily agreeing, disagreeing or sympathizing.

It gives us the skills and framework we need to deliver bad news in the most effective, least stressful way possible. 

If I show you that framework right now, you’ll probably say I’m insane and dismiss it right off the bat—it’s that counterintuitive. In many ways, it’s the exact opposite of what your instincts tell you to do. It’s going to feel downright scary.

So before we get to the step-by-step, let’s take a moment to talk about FEAR.

Fear of loss is the single most powerful driver of human decision-making and behavior. 

This fear is as powerful for us as agents as it is for our clients, because human nature does not care what business you’re engaged in. When you have to deliver bad news, that fear is a big problem, because it makes it IMPOSSIBLE to practice Tactical Empathy.

Why? Two reasons…

First, our fear of losing a deal can make us fearful of discovering negative issues. There’s no way we’re setting our curiosity loose to get in there to look for trouble—let alone then confronting those issues when we do find them. 

And second, our fear of loss is shouting so loudly in our heads that we can’t deeply listen to our clients with curiosity, so we don’t pick up on their true thoughts and feelings, and therefore can’t make them feel understood.

That’s why the shift from Fear to Curiosity (we call this a 2mm shift) is one of the most powerful changes we can make in our mindset. 

When you listen from a mindset of fear, you will hear every comment and every question as a threat. When you listen from a mindset of curiosity, you will be able to hear and observe what your client is ACTUALLY saying. 

You’ll be able to understand what they are truly thinking and feeling. 

You’ll be able to determine what they need from you.

You’ll be able to make them feel understood.

This is why what we do before the bad news conversation may be even more impactful than what we do during the conversation.

So today, let’s focus on the first half of the bad news framework—what happens before the conversation. There are 4 steps:

Prepare your Accusations AuditTM

Empty your bucket

Reach out and set up a time to speak

Cross the street 

1️⃣ Prepare your Accusations AuditTM. 

An Accusations Audit is a series of pre-emptive labels. 

You are proactively addressing expressed and unexpressed negative emotions. 

Delivering an Accusations Audit before bad news is the most powerful way to defuse negative emotions.

The 2mm shift you’re enacting here is the shift from Sugar-coating to Bracing.

You construct your accusations audit by asking yourself: If I were this person, what negative things would I be thinking about me—or about this situation?

By calling out the negative emotions you’re acknowledging them and defusing them, and you’re not going to create negative emotions where they don’t exist, you’re actually inoculating against them. 

So take the time to evaluate in great detail what your client’s thoughts, feelings, fears and circumstances are in relation to whatever difficult news you’re about to present. 

(We’ve gone into detail on building Accusations Audits in these  previous blogs: Presenting Requests for Repairs and Discussing a Challenging Inspection Report with Buyers.) 

NOTE: Do NOT use this as a way to put off delivering the bad news. Do this as soon as the issue arises, and get it done quickly. The longer you wait, the worse it will be for you AND your client.

This is another 2mm shift: from Waiting to Getting out in front of issues.

2️⃣ Empty your bucket.  

Get all of your thoughts, feelings, and fears out, so that when you do get on the phone with the client, you can stay calm, manage your tone, and put the focus where it needs to be: 100% on them. 

Remember that to understand your client, you have to listen… and to listen, you have to quiet your own mind.

So empty out all of the thoughts and feelings that are all generated by your fear of loss and your attachment to the deal, as well as whatever irritations you’ve faced throughout your day (or your life!) which might distract you from the task at hand, so you can quiet that inner monologue and focus clearly on your client.

Vent to someone who will listen but who won’t ramp you up… or just ramble to yourself in the mirror.

3️⃣ Reach out to secure a time to speak on the phone.

“There is something we need to discuss that you are not going to like. Would it be impossible for us to get on the phone?”

This is one of the few times we’ll encourage you to reach out via email or text: to prepare someone for a difficult conversation and to drive them to the phone (or Zoom), where that conversation will take place.

Don’t be surprised if they call you immediately—wouldn’t you if you got a text like that? So be prepared to have the conversation as soon as you hit “send.” 

4️⃣ Get ready to cross the street.

You and your client are on opposite sides of the street (figuratively speaking). You have different perspectives. 

Your instinct is to shout across the street about why the other person should come over and follow you—how you’ve been here before, and you know what to do, and it’s exactly what they want and need, and they should trust your expertise.

Instead, as soon as you get on that call, you need to cross to their side of the street. Forget about your perspective. Your goal is to see the world through THEIR eyes. Find out what THEY think, feel, want, and fear. 

That’s the 2mm shift from I to YOU.

(In fact, you already had to cross to their side of the street to construct your Accusations Audit. Make sure you stay there once you get them on the phone.)

You’ll then be able to articulate your understanding of what you’ve seen and heard back to them. 

That makes them feel understood, which creates rapport and builds trust-based influence.

With that influence you can then gently guide that person where you know they want and need to go, based on the goals they’ve shared with you.

Stay tuned next week for what you’ll be doing once you get on the call with your client!

Tactical EmpathyTM  and related concepts are the intellectual property of the Black Swan Group, used here with permission.