Do NOT Skip These Steps When You Talk to Clients About Commission

When you opened this blog, you probably expected to read something from Steve Shull.

I am NOT Steve. 

I’m Laurie Gilmore, and if you’re in the Daily Accountability Calls, you’ve probably seen me before. I lead the Thursday afternoon role play calls, and I recently led two complimentary workshops on how to approach commission conversations in the post-NAR-settlement landscape.

And now, you’ll be hearing from me every Friday in this email series dedicated to the practice of Tactical Empathy: the art of influencing people by making them feel understood.

This powerful skill is the reason I’ve been able to build a thriving, stress-free business entirely composed of repeat and referral clients…in Manhattan, one of the wildest and most competitive property markets in the world. 

The tools in the Tactical Empathy toolbox are not all that difficult to understand. You can get a great introduction just by reading The Full Fee Agent and Never Split the Difference.

The real challenge is in applying those tools in the right way in the tough conversations you face every day…and that’s what these emails are all about. 

Let’s start with a tough conversation that I know is on everyone’s mind: how to talk to clients about commission under the new rules.

The commission conversation was a difficult one even before the recent NAR settlement. Now that listing agent and buyer agent fees are being decoupled, there’s a whole new layer of complexity.

It is NOT easy to get buyers and sellers to fully understand their options so they can make a confident, informed choice about what to do. I know you’ve dealt with clients who are confused, anxious, and even hostile over this issue. 

Most agents respond by trying to explain more clearly or by pushing for a particular course of action…only to find that it doesn’t solve the problem. Sometimes it even makes it worse.

The real solution is to START by making the other person feel understood.

You are not going to like what I'm about to tell you.

You're going to say it's a waste of time to take these steps.. 

You're going to think it's awkward and pointless.

Here are a few of the things I've gotten the MOST pushback on when I coach people on this conversation…and they also happen to be some of the MOST powerful tools you have for putting the client at ease and opening their mind to your information and advice.

1️⃣Ask them to walk you through their understanding of the NAR situation before you explain it to them.

You're probably thinking this is silly. Either they know nothing about it, or what they know is wrong.

It doesn't matter.

This is not about whether they have it right or wrong. It's about inviting them to share their perspective. It's about showing that you're there to listen to them. It's about demonstrating that you care what they think.

And by sharing what they know (even if it's just a sentence or two) they clear their own mind and become more willing to and able to extend the favor back to you—to hear and fully consider what you have to say as you lay out the landscape for them.

Do NOT make assumptions here and skip this step. You have no idea what they really know or don't know, and your number one goal is to find out.

You don’t need to think for them. You need to hear what they think.

2️⃣SLOW. DOWN.

As agents, we want so badly to prove how knowledgeable we are and how valuable our expertise is. Consciously or unconsciously, we believe that's the thing that will get people to hire us and to follow our advice.

So, your instinct is probably to lay out everything for the client as quickly and thoroughly  as possible. To answer any question you assume they may have before they even ask it. Showing off your chops like that may make you feel smart…but it makes the client feel dumb.

They don't care how smart you sound. They care how well they understand what you're saying. The faster you talk, the less space they have to think. The more information you provide at once, the harder it is for them to digest it.

So, slow down—way down. Let the pitch and volume of your voice drop. Enunciate every word. Pause between every sentence and wait for their body language to show that they're ready to hear more.

This helps them to stay calm and to think clearly, so that by the time you finish presenting the information you’d like them to consider, they're ready to make a decision.

But even more importantly, this also shows that you're really paying attention to them and to their needs…which makes them feel understood.

3️⃣Use an Accusations Audit in the tough moments.

An Accusations Audit is simply a series of pre-emptive labels that call out all the negative things the other person might be thinking and feeling about you or the situation.

For example, it might sound like…

You're not going to want to hear this.

You’re probably very disappointed right now.

This is going to sound terrible.

You are going to want to fire me.

You are going to think I’m the most inept real estate agent on the planet.

The more visceral these are, the better. You can’t go too far. Be fearless.

You continue to deliver these until your counterpart stops you—until you hear something like, “Enough already, get to the point,” or “It can’t be that bad, just tell me.”

Why would you ever do this?

Because it makes them feel understood! It shows that you are tuned in to their perspective. 

If they are thinking and feeling those negative things, you can bet that they are not in a state of mind to hear anything you say or to make smart decisions. Naming those negatives actually helps defuse them and calms the person down.

And if they aren't thinking and feeling those things, they're not going to start thinking them just because you voiced them. Instead, they'll correct you, which gives you even better information about what's going on in their heads. (And–bonus points–people LOVE to correct others!)

Use an Accusations Audit at the beginning of a tough conversation, before delivering bad news, or before making an ask. These are the sensitive moments when taking the time to make the other person feel understood can truly change the game.

These three tactics are the ones every agent wants to skip over. 

Then they come to me and say, “I tried to use Tactical Empathy, but it didn’t work!”

Of course it didn’t—because they didn’t make the other person feel understood. Without that, there’s no hope of having any influence with them.

It takes more time up front, but it saves time (not to mention stress and money) in the end by making the other person more willing to trust and collaborate with you, not just in this one conversation but in all future conversations.

Have a great weekend!

Laurie

PS - If you want more Tactical Empathy in your life, join us in the Daily Accountability Calls! You can test drive the program for FREE for 14 days—click here to start your trial.