The FIRST Question to Answer with Every Prospective Buyer or Seller

by Laurie Gilmore

Picking up where we left off last week, let’s go through the first section of the New Client Discovery Call in detail. 

Remember, when you have an initial inquiry on the phone or via email, you set this process in motion by asking:

“Would you be opposed to finding 15-minutes for a Zoom conversation for us to meet face to face, and explore whether or not we might be a good fit?”

Again, you’re already ahead of the game. 

You’re setting yourself apart from most agents by showing that you’re a professional with a process rather than someone who is scrambling for any business.

Take the time to prepare yourself for the call. The overall mission during the first section of this framework will be to gather and understand the hopes, dreams and fears of the other person. It is not about you. 

➡️ So get out of your own way by emptying your bucket before you get on the call. 

What does that mean? 

Go through all of your hopes, dreams and fears. Write them down, read them out loud, rant in the mirror, talk it out with someone you trust, so that when you’re on the call you’re able to let go of the outcome and focus entirely on the prospective client.

On the Zoom call, you follow the framework starting with section 1: Is there a deal here?

We’ve talked a lot over the past few weeks about the two pillars of Tactical Empathy: removing yourself as a threat and being curious. We’ve talked about the fact that every prospective client you speak with instinctively views you as a threat, because they know that you want something from them. They have their guard up. 

The most impactful thing you can do when you start a conversation is to remove yourself as a threat as quickly as possible. You do that by entering with curiosity and letting the other person speak first.

That’s precisely what you’ll be doing in this first section of the framework.

➡️ Start out with salutations and a check-in on their timing. That may sound something like:

“Thank you for making the time for us to meet face to face and get acquainted. Would spending around 15 minutes together be inconvenient right now?”

➡️ Follow that up with a summary. 

Agents often feel confused about using a summary at the beginning of a conversation, but there is always something to summarize, and it’s your chance to show that you’re paying attention right out of the gate. What do you know so far? What has brought you and this person together?

Let’s say that this is a buyer who has been referred to you by a former client who has told you that their best friend has just retired. She wants to downsize, sell her home of many years, and try out a new neighborhood in a smaller home. That summary might sound like:

“From what I know so far, it sounds like you’re embarking on a huge transition. You’re planning to sell your current home. You’d like to find something smaller. You’re interested in exploring other neighborhoods. You’ve finally retired, and as a result you feel like this is the right moment to make this change.”

Keep in mind that a Summary is not a speech—it’s crucial to remain authentic and conversational above all else. 

The other person may jump in at any moment with additional information. They may correct something you’ve said. They may open the floodgates and tell you their whole life’s story. In fact, they may start speaking before you even get to the Summary. If so, don’t interrupt. Work in the Summary info later if appropriate. 

On the other hand, they may be a person of few words who benefits from having a Summary as a jumping off point.

Remember the 3 Negotiator Personality types.

An Accommodator is sociable. They are all about relationships. They’re the most likely to share without you having to ask many additional questions at all. Catch whatever they’re saying and Mirror, Label, and Paraphrase.

An Assertive can also be talkative, but in contrast to the Accommodator, they’re all about respect and the bottom line. With Assertives it’s imperative to make sure they know they’ve been heard, and that they feel respected, so use Mirrors and Labels to assure them. Assertives are bottom-line people, so get to the point as efficiently as possible while being mindful not to skip over important questions.

An Analyst is slower to speak and they love silence, so make sure to use Dynamic Silence to give them space in which to speak up, and be sure not to step on their silence and derail their thinking. A special note about Analysts: They’re skeptical by nature, so removing yourself as a threat is exceptionally important.

In the first few minutes of a conversation, you’ll begin to get clues as to who you’re dealing with in terms of Negotiator Personality Types. File those clues away for use as you proceed.

➡️ Unless the prospective client has spontaneously opened up to you, follow your Summary by inviting them to share with:

“If you don’t mind, can you share with me a bit more about what’s going on?”

Again Mirror, Label and Paraphrase any new information you receive. If they have not specifically addressed their timing, follow up with an inquiry. Remember you’re sussing out whether this is a real NOW buyer or seller, so a question around what led them to this timing goes a long way toward establishing whether or not they’re serious:

“What led you to this particular timing?”

➡️ Continue to Mirror, Label and Paraphrase. 

Make sure that you’re labeling the latent dynamics and not just the surface words. Most people communicate more nonverbally. Label those non-verbal cues. If you feel it in your gut, trust it and verbalize it.

Again, the goal here is to get all of their hopes, dreams, concerns, and fears out on the table. A very powerful way to inspire a person to share, in detail, is with a vision label:

“It seems like you have a very clear vision of what this process will look like. Would you mind walking me through that vision?” 

This may be an accurate label for some people. They may have a very clear vision, and they will share it in detail. This may be a mis-label for others. In that case, they may open up by sharing their lack of vision, their confusion or their overwhelm. Either way, that specific label gets the person to share in a meaningful way. 

⭐ Don’t make substitutions for the word, “vision.”  This word is intentional. It serves to elicit much more robust and illustrative responses than a word like “thoughts.” 

As you Label, Mirror and Paraphrase what the client is saying, be mindful not to interrupt their stream of thought. 

If this is a person who has a lot to say, and there are hardly any pauses, that’s great. Don’t be tempted to interject a Label or a Mirror just because you’ve thought of a good one. Listen at the highest level and track what’s important to use later on in a Summary. 

If you find yourself in that situation, remember the Tactical Empathy tool of Encouragers. An Encourager can be a sound, a word, a nod, a body movement, a look—a simple gesture which lets the other person know that they can keep going, that you are still listening and following along—without derailing their thought process. 

➡️ Continue probing for more hopes and dreams with a couple of Calibrated Questions:

“What’s most important to you?”

“What would be your ideal outcome?”

Remember that a Calibrated Question (a “what” or “how” question without a simple yes or no answer) is designed to make the other person think. 

➡️ After each of those questions, acknowledge that you’ve heard and understood what’s important to them. Articulate that understanding with something like:

“It sounds like you’re hoping for A, B and C.”

“It seems like C is extremely important to you.”

If you’ve been listening carefully, you’ll probably get a “that’s right’” response, or they’ll correct you and/or add additional information. 

➡️ If they have not yet shared with you what their fears and concerns are, now is the time to find out. 

You might start with a Flip-side label: Labeling a positive to a negative. So if they’ve shared with you that their main hope is to get this process over with quickly you can flip that as a segue into discussing their fears:

“It sounds like getting stuck on the market for months would be a horrible outcome for you. What other concerns do you have about this process?”

Label those concerns:

“It sounds like X is a big concern for you.”

“It seems like you also want to avoid Y and Z.”

➡️ At this point you have gathered a lot of valuable information, and you have plenty with which to construct a new Summary.

The Summary puts Paraphrasing and Labeling, together, to sum up the main points of a conversation.

You’re presenting the world according to them, in your words (Paraphrase) while Labeling their emotions and the dynamics of the situation.

A Summary has a specific structure:

You begin with, “So far you’ve told me” OR “So far we’ve discussed.”

Then Label and Paraphrase.

End with, “And as a result you feel….” That could sound something like:

“So far you’ve told me that you’re ready to sell this property. You feel like you’ve spent too much of your life here. You feel stuck. Now that the kids are grown and out of the house, all of this space feels empty and sad. You feel lonely here. You’d feel more comfortable finding your next home before you put this one on the market. You’ve always had to consider other people’s preferences, in the past, when choosing a home. This time it’s completely up to you. You feel excited about that. You’re looking forward to discovering what kind of home is right for YOU, and as a result, you can’t wait to get started on the search.”

Notice how the Summary has grown from the one you were able to construct at the start of the conversation—how much more information you have about their feelings and their motivations. 

A Summary is a powerhouse skill. A skillfully constructed Summary can be amazingly impactful. The very act of constructing a Summary requires you to listen and think deeply about the other person, and in delivering it you’re working right in the heart of Tactical Empathy—you’re making the person feel understood. 

I’ve said this before: The experience can be like watching someone fall in love with you. Their eyes light up as they feel themselves being understood, and you may get a series of “that’s right” responses.

The connection formed by a strong summary sets you up perfectly to move to the next section of the conversation: Is there a deal here for me?—in which you’ll discover whether or not you are The Favorite or The Fool. We’ll dive into that next week.

Even just in this first section of the conversation, everything about this interaction sets you apart from your competition.

Think about the way that we generally approach a listing presentation or a new client interview. We’re in there, right off the bat, explaining our value proposition, we’re talking 80 - 90% of the time, we’re talking about ourselves—our track record, our skills, our expertise, our plans—and we’re using all of our facts, logic and reason to lead (or push or drag) our prospective clients where we think they should go.

With Tactical Empathy, using this framework, we flip that. 

We spend 75% of our time with prospective clients listening and gathering their thoughts and feelings, understanding their goals, their hopes, dreams and fears, and making them feel understood, which builds trust and trust-based influence with which we can then guide them toward their goals by laying out the landscape for them to consider when the time comes. 

The real value is in the fact that you are in sales, but you’re coming in not sounding like any other sales person.

Stay tuned to learn what follows from here!