Your Clients Aren’t Great Listeners

Effective communication is at the heart of successful real estate relationships. Yet, most agents approach conversations as if the clients they’re speaking to are already skilled listeners, fully attuned to every word they say. The truth is, most clients are not trained to listen. They are distracted, stressed, and filtering everything through their own biases, concerns, and immediate needs. This is where your skill as a communicator becomes essential.

The Reality: Clients Are Not Listening

In negotiations, presentations, or even casual conversations, most clients are operating at the lower levels of listening. They are either: 

• Listening for the Gist – They catch fragments of what you say but are primarily focused on their own thoughts.
• Listening to Rebut – They are waiting for you to say something they can challenge or disagree with.
• Listening for Logic – They are trying to determine whether what you’re saying aligns with their own beliefs or goals.

But rarely are they:

• Listening for Emotion – Understanding the underlying feelings driving what you’re saying.
• Listening for Your Point of View – Immersing themselves fully in your perspective and considering how your insights could serve them.

Clients tend to focus on what’s most immediate and urgent to them, often missing the nuances of what you are trying to convey. They are not intentionally ignoring you; they are simply filtering your words through their own lens of worry, skepticism, and competing priorities.

Your Job Is to Break Through Their Filters

It is not your client’s job to hear you; it is your job to communicate in a way they can actually hear. This is where mastering communication becomes your superpower. You must:

1. Empty Your Bucket – Before you start, clear your own thoughts and agenda. This allows you to be fully present and observant, rather than reacting based on your own expectations.
2. Cross the Street – Mentally step into their world. What do they care about? What fears, desires, or frustrations are driving their responses?
3. Speak Their Language – Use words, metaphors, and references that resonate with them. Recognize their primary concerns and address them directly.
4. Make Them Feel Understood – Echo their words and emotions. Articulate what they are thinking and feeling better than they can themselves.
5. Guide, Don’t Lead – Instead of telling them what to think, ask calibrated questions that guide them to their own conclusions.

 (our new on-demand video course covers all of this and more.)

Understanding the Three Negotiator Types

According to Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group, there are three primary negotiator personality types:

• Analyst: Methodical and diligent, Analysts prioritize thorough preparation and accuracy. They prefer working independently, are reserved problem solvers, and may appear skeptical. Analysts value acquiring facts and information, viewing time as preparation and silence as an opportunity to think.
• Accommodator: Personable and conversational, Accommodators focus on building and maintaining relationships. They are approachable, enjoy engaging in dialogue, and are inclined to make concessions to foster harmony. Their primary motivation is to ensure that everyone is on good terms and feels valued.
• Assertive: Direct and candid, Assertives prioritize getting their point across and achieving their desired outcomes. They value time highly, often equating it with money, and may appear aggressive or harsh. Assertives focus on the short term and are primarily concerned with winning.

These personality types are foundational concepts taught by The Black Swan Group, emphasizing the importance of identifying your counterpart's style to communicate effectively and build rapport.

Shaping Your Language to Facilitate Clearer Thinking

Effective communication requires adapting your approach to the personality type of the person you are speaking with. This is not about manipulating them; it’s about helping them process information more effectively. When you tailor your language and delivery to their preferred style, you help them move from confusion to clarity. Consider:

• With Analysts: Provide detailed information and allow them time to process. Avoid pressuring them for quick decisions, as they value thorough analysis.
• With Accommodators: Engage in friendly dialogue and emphasize relationship-building. Ensure that any agreements are clear and followed through, as they may avoid conflict even if issues arise.
• With Assertives: Be concise and direct. Acknowledge their need to be heard first, and avoid wasting time with unnecessary details.

When you adapt your communication to fit the client’s style, you not only enhance understanding but also help them think more clearly. This facilitates better decision-making and stronger, more productive relationships.

The Goal: Create Connection Through Communication 

The most effective communicators understand that it is not about making the client hear them; it is about making the client feel heard. When you show that you understand their fears, motivations, and desires, you earn the right to influence their thinking. They begin to trust you, not because you gave the best presentation, but because you made them feel understood.

When you align your communication style with their level of listening and their negotiator type, you guide them from shallow, distracted attention to deep, meaningful connection. And this is where the magic happens.

Mastering communication is one of the pillars of The Performance Six. It’s not enough to just speak; you must ensure that your words are truly being heard. By understanding where your clients are on the spectrum of listening, recognizing their negotiator type, and adjusting your approach accordingly, you elevate your influence, build trust, and cultivate relationships that thrive. 

👉 Are you operating at The Performance Six level?